Day 15: School

The amount of not wanting to go to school in me astounding. I'm stressed out about keeping good grades, dealing with Natalie's shit, and not making an idiot out of myself. I have to keep this valence between friends, and parents and teachers. I have to act like I don't care about school around my friends, and I have to act like I really care around my parents and teachers. I have to get good grades, but not let anyone know. I have to do bad on tests that my friends will ask me what I got on, and I have to get good grades for the things my parents will ask about. I shoot for C's mostly. I don't even know how good I really am. I don't even know what I want anymore.

Day 14: I never liked football anyway

I didn't go the the practice game, I came down with the my-stomach-hurts-because-I-am-too-stressed-out. Also I didn't want to go, instead I stayed home and worked on my new short story. I felt way better than I would have at the game, but I'm going to feel the consequences when school starts. There is nothing like starting a new school year without all the major gossip. Everyone is going to think I'm so lame. I guess I'll get what I deserve.

Day 13: Football and no

I don't want to go to the stupid football practice tomorrow. I don't wanna. No. Shh. I got this. I can do it. I can. I can. I can do this, sitback and watch me, or just read about whatever happens tomorrow.


I will!

Day 12: Endings

I finished a short story today. It was a love story between two high schoolers. Bunch of bullshit. But I finished so, yay. I guess I should be more happy. I spent a long time working in this project. The thing is, whenever I finish something this big it feels like everything I've been working for is done. I have nothing left. I feel as though an entire portion of my life has ended. An era. By thinking that I think it makes it true. I feel as though I've entered a new part of my life. Junior year is ahead of me, everything before is history, filled out by a younger version of myself.

Or maybe not. Does it really even matter?

Day 11: Fame: part 1 - Fame and Intrest

No I know I have absolutely no Internet fame, and I am so not claiming I do, but this idea came to me a few days back and I have to share. When I first started this I thought it was going to be a lot more of these deep ideas, but it turns out it is really hard to come up with a deep idea every day

Instead of deep ideas I had to turn to my own life to have something to say, and it seems like the more I write the more interesting my life becomes. It's as though the very act of thinking that your life may be interesting to someone else causes it to be more interesting. There are two potential reasons that I thought of for this change in thinking.

First it could be that your perspective on your life changes. All of a sudden you start thinking about your life in terms of what would be interesting to hear about. And you start noticing that there are things that seem like they could be interesting. It's sort of like watching a best 'best of'  video about your life.

Or it could be that the thought of trying to find interesting things in your life changes the way that you live. Because you want to tell people how awesome you are you become awesome to fit what you want others to think of you. If this is true then this blog could have changed the way I live, literally.


Oh, and if you were wondering about the part 1 thing I am planing to do a mini series kind of thing, but I may abandon it if it doesn't work for me.

Day 10: More parents

I was thinking about the question I asked yesterday, about why parents are so control freakish about their children's lives. I think it has to do with the feeling of responsibility. See you used to be this tiny little thing that couldn't do anything for its self, and they had to do everything. They had to feed you, and dress you, and house you. You couldn't do anything for your self, but slowly you got older, and you started being able to do things for yourself. In their heads you still can't do anything, and they continue to find the need to control what you do, because before you couldn't do it. What makes them think you can now?

I still think that this does not absolve parents of being dick heads. Once someone is able to drive a car that can fracking kill someone, they should be able to make their own desisions.

Day 9: Parents!

The thing with parents is they are always trying to controll who you are. They say it's for your protection, and I'm sure they believe that most of the time, but that can't always be true. Like how will not being popular help me in any way. It will just cause me to be in a living hell again! It's as if they never attended high school.

My parents are big believers in the crap idea that you should be who you are, and that then everything in your life will just fall into place. That's a load of shit. If you want something you have to lie and cheat and steal. If you want something done you have to do it yourself, nothing is for free. I learned that the hard way, and I'm not a retard, once is enough.

Anyhow, back to the problem at hand. Obviously, something happened to make me start raving at my parents. So what is it? Well Rachel and her boyfriend Mark are hosting this party at Rachel's in a week to celebrate the new school year.  Everybody who is anybody is going to be there. There is just one tiny problem. Rachel's parents aren't going to be home and my mom doesn't think "Rachel is the kind of person who makes good decisions all the time." I responded to this with, "Soap she doesn't always make good decisions about friends?" She nods hoping I've come to my senses. "But, mom, I'm her friend!" I even made my bottom lip quiver. She didn't have a good response to that, but she still won't let me go.  Instead she is taking me to the library for five whole hours, insisting that I used to love the library.

Why do parents feel like they need to control their children's lives, even up to the point of telling them what they want?

Day 8: Aaaah!

I was nearly asleep when I realized I hadn't done one of these yet.

I spent a lot of the day trying to come up with an idea for nanorimo. It's to late for spellcheck! I think I am going to tell a scifi story about a future where you get a list of who you are going to be when your 13. Who knows I'll probably change my mind six more times before then.

Day 7: Camp

Yay! Finally done with soccer camp. I had no idea something I loved so much could become so twisted. I spent the whole time trying to dodge Natalie. It's almost as if she still thought we were friends. It's probably a ploy to get me to be friends with her again, now that I've proven I can stay on top even without Andy. She sees I'm strong and wants in. Well guess what? That door closed a long time back, bitch!

On the bright side there was a party afterwards and I got to hang with my soccer girlfriends. They're all trying out for the school team, but I can't because I have cheer. Sometimes you have to do things you don't like to stay on top. I don't think I would like it much anyway, to much competition tainting the game, it would look good to colleges though...

Day 6: Natalie

Like I said, wrote? yesterday today is all about Natalie.

I met Natalie three years ago, now it feels like an eternity. I was a different person back then.we shared the same math class. We bonded over our shared hatered of the subject. I had never met anyone like her. She was a fantastic artist, and I remember clearly the first time I saw one of her drawings, I was so amazed. She was smart and pritty and opinioned. I wanted to know her, but truth be told we were never very good friends. I hate to admitt it, but most of my friends back then were, well, geeks.

Then everything changed. I met this boy, Andrew. We started going out and suddenly I was Westlake High's new it girl. Everyone knew me. I loved it. My time with Andrew was the best time of my life. We went to football games, hang out in parks, and rejoiced in the beam of light that show on us, the peak of the crap heap.

Six months later, out of the blue, he dumped me. Everything I had was gone, my boy, my friends, my life, I had to work so hard just to keep from going under, but that isn't the half of it. I made a mistake. I took a nude photo and gave it to Andy. He had been pressuring me for weeks, and eventually I just gave in. I didn't think it would ever get out, but no one ever does. Long story short, the picture got out, and a few days later word gets out that Andy is dating noneother than Naralie, and they had been dating long before we broke up.

Now I know Andy could be a dick sometimes, but he would have never done that. It had to be Natalie. It took me months to build back up my reputation after what that entitled bitch did to me. She just thinks she can take whatever she wants, and through it out when she's done. As if that wasn't enough only a month after all this went down, natalie comes out as being gay.

That whore stole my boyfriend, and my life, just to decide that she didn't want him anyway! I got my eye on you still gay girl.

Day 5: Technology

Technology sucks.

I had a really long post and my phone lost it all, so make do with this. Natalie's post tomorrow

Day 4: Intitled people

I realize just now that what I said about Natalie yesterday may have come off as rather cruel, but let me tell you this; there is a story for that and I'll get to it soon, but not today.

Today I'm going to tallk about more of Natalie's shit.

So both Natalie and I are in this soccer camp for like a week. It's not to long and it doesn't feature a lot of cometitive games, anyway Natalie is on the same side as me and she was always giving me hints, as if I, of all people, couldn't play a stupid game. I'm better than her, and she knowes it. She just trying to through me off my game. Well, she doesn't know who she's messing with. Bring it on!

Day 3: Ugh

I'm so wiped out. I just finished a friendly soccer game with my friends and now all of my limbs ache. I am ashamed to admit it but we lost. It was Natalie's fault. If she didn't score that last goal we would have won. Ugh. She's not even my friend she is Jessica's. She's always acting like she knows me. Do I have to spell it out for her? We aren't friends. She is just some know nothing entitled brat. UGH!

Day two: introductions

So I totally spaced that you don't already know who I am, so today I'm going to tell you a bit about myself. My English teacher would hate my use of "I'm going to tell you," but she can't read this. Haha.

Anyhow, my name is Nina Lucas, I am sixteen years old and live in California, and I love to wright. It's the idea that I can create an entire universe separate from this one. There are infinite possibilities! Why am I trying to explain this to you?! Either you get it or you don't. I wouldn't say I'm popular, but I'm def not a dweeb who's only life is on here. I like playing soccer and hanging with my friends. Oh, and don't tell anybody cuz they think it's nerdy, but I totally love to read. Hope that's good enough.

Moving on, I finally got some writing done today. Summer is great if you actually use it, but its just so much more fun to spend a day at the beach. So the story is about this girl who gets turned into a vampire, except she doesn't know what kind of vampire she is because all of the lore is mixed up. Shut up, it is too original. Anyway, I'm not that far through it, so who know how it'll turn out.

I gota go now it's getting to late but I will be back tomorrow. Promise. and if there is one thing you learn about me, let it be this; I don't break my promises.

Day 1: Ideas

The best time for brilliant ideas is probably not 11 o'clock laying on your bed listening to Florence + the Machine and staring at the ceiling, but creativity is a fickle thing. I've always wondered what it's like to just get struck with an idea. One minute your staring into space thinking about the cute guy in math and the next thing you know, BAM! An idea hits you and suddenly you know what your life is about. Well, now I know, except for the whole knowing what your life is about. Basically it just feels like you had an idea except faster, and significantly more awesome. So here I am.

By now you've probably already guessed what the life changing idea was, starting a blog. I know what you're thinking; not the most original idea, no one is ever going to read it, you're not going to get popular this way, if that what you're thinking, well suck it. You are about to experience the most awesome blog ever..maybe not that awesome, but still - It's going to rock.